Monday, January 5, 2009

Im so confused.

I am utterly and absolutely confused.

I have no idea what to do now.

I have no idea what I even want to do now.

I want to cry at the prospect of having to make a decision.

I feel better not thinking about it, and just pushing it to the back of my mind. I know that no one can make this decision for me, but I can't seem to make one either.

I just want to have a child. A family, my own family. I NEVER ever thought it would be this hard.

The only thing I know for sure is that i'm not ready to give up on actually being pregnant, and delivering a baby.
But it's the details I can't for the life of me figure out. I'm pretty sure I feel ok with the Donor egg. But am I positive? I don't know.

If only money didn't matter, Patrick says to not look at it that way, but come on we're not wealthy. I have to.

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