Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Back to reality

Vacations are good. Really good. We just went away Sun-Wed and were home the rest of the time, it was nice to get away but not as relaxing as vacations we've taken in the past. We were busy running around while we were away, and then at home I didn't really feel like I was still on vacation. I feel rested, but not relaxed. Not as relaxed as I would like.

I'm already looking forward to December when I'll be off work again for 11 days. How sad is that!

It's so hard coming back to work after being off, I wish I was independantly wealthy and could live the life we had on vacation all the time.

I still haven't filled out all the forms for the doctor's appt. I really need to do that, i might try to sit down with them tonight and see how far I get, ugh. I don't want to be rushing to get them filled out the day before we have to go!

Even though I feel like it's impossible, I still hope that I'll be pregnant this month, and then we won't have to go to the specialist, and I can call and cancel. And I know that even speaking such a thought will make my period come! It always happens just as the real hope creeps in.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Forms, Forms and more forms.

Holy crap. I got the packet in the mail from the clinic, and there are so many questions and so many forms for both of us to fill out, it's pretty overwhelming. Pamphlets to read, tons of information so that's good. It should help us to get prepared for the appt before we go. But wow, the amount of forms is scary, so many things we have to make decisions about before we even start any treatment. I just kind of put it away for right now, I think I'll deal with it when I have some time to spend on it, and Pat and I can sit down together and go through everything. I have so much to get together before the appt! I'm sure it'll take me the 2 1/2 weeks to fill everything out.

Quiet

It's crazy how quiet my house is when Pat is away, he was away for work overnight last night. It's not the first time, but it's always so weird when he isn't home at night with me. I don't know what I would do if I lived by myself, im sure i'd get used to it. I do enjoy the time to myself, and not having to cook dinner. But I missed him terribly even though it was just 1 night this time.

I'm halfway through the week, getting closer to vacation, yay. I can't wait.
Im also off for 11 days at Christmastime so that will be the next countdown.

Tomorrow's Thursday, I can see the end of the week from here.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

The dreaded Appt is made!

August 13th we'll be meeting with the fertility specialist. At that point it'll be about 16 months of trying with no success for us.
It'll be here before I know it. I'm all at once nervous, scared and excited about it. It's weird because it starts a whole new chapter in this quest for us to get pregnant. I'm scared because I don't know how much it will take to get us pregnant, and i'm scared for definitive answers. Im nervous about the financial aspect of it all. I'm excited about the possibilities it will bring.

I can't believe it's come this far. I'm trying very hard to be content with this part of my life. But it is so hard, everyday I feel differently than I did the day before. Today is an ok day, whatever will be will be. Tomorrow I could feel completely different about it.

We'll be on vacation around the same time I "should" ovulate. Who knows maybe it'll happen for us then. I'm still pretty hopeful for that.

Pat does his part to make me laugh-he said he's going to tell the doctor that he thinks i've been on the pill all this time, just so we would eventually end up going to the specialist, because I want to end up like John and Kate plus 8. Yikes! He is a silly silly man. He then said he would be okay with it if it's enough boys for a hockey team. I feel lucky to have him.

Oh-tomorrow marks 11 years to the day that we met. I can't believe it's been so long. It feels like just yesterday I was 19. Now im almost 30. Where does the time go?

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Nothing in particular

So this woman at my work totally went off on the pregnant smoker the other day. I wasn't here I missed it. But I heard about it.

She saw her smoking and told her that she needed to put that cigarette out, what the hell did she think she was doing. She made a choice to get pregnant and now she needs to put the health of her baby first.

I heard about it and went and told the woman good for her. I'm glad someone other than me has said something, I saw her smoking again last week, but I wasn't in the mood to deal with it, so I just ignored her. I wish I would have said something again, she should be made to feel bad.

I don't know why it makes me feel good to know that she has been shamed, maybe its because shes young. Maybe its because she didn't have to try at all to get pregnant, and now it seems as though shes taking it for granted. Maybe i'm just mean.
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The pregnant smoker was talking to someone here at work yesterday about her friend that can't get pregnant, shes been trying " a couple of months" her doctor put her on clomid. I guess the friend told her that the doctor said at the most it just increases her risk of having twins. Apparently the pregnant girl told her " uh uh, that doctor is lying to you, your going to end up with 6 or 7".

I wanted to tell her how unlikely that it with just clomid. It does increase the possibility of you releasing more than 1 egg at a time, but more than that the percentage is really low.

She then went on to say that her friend will have to do IVF, if that doesn't work.
And she'll probably definitely end up with a litter.

Um, even then, it all depends on how many embryos you put back. Sure if you put back 6, then it's possible you'll end up with 6. But not likely that they will all make it.

It just makes me feel bad for her friend that has to listen to her uneducated comments. I don't really know how long this girl has been trying, but I do know how hard it is when people around you make dumb comments, and when pregnancy seems to come so easily for those around you.
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After this week only 2 more weeks till we go on Vacation! Woo hoo!

We STILL don't know where we're going but we've got another week to figure it out =)
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